Book Of Excuses

Yr 8, PE, Room 10

My period five and six is a double lesson with year eight PE Tennis. The teacher has opted to have me take them for theory. I take them into a computer room and tell them they’re to write a page about their favourite sports and hobbies on Word or Powerpoint, including a picture. It’s a simple enough assignment, but I struggle to get even a couple of sentences out of some of them for the entire two periods – though most do bend to the task eventually.

By the time sixth period comes around there’s really not much for them to do. The teacher has included a backup exercise allowing for the students to ‘research an Australian tennis player of your own choice on the internet and write about them’, but most are content to just read and write emails. A couple of boys do an ‘English’ assignment that requires them to do detailed drawings of old two-seater airplanes using Paint. Later, one of the boys shows me the assignment, including his beautifully detailed airplane – turns out it’s legit!

My main problem in this class is a couple of girls, Renee and Loran, who keep wanting to leave the class. First they want to go to the toilet, then for a drink, and then Renee insists she has to see her sister at the period five break. I joke with them that they probably have a book of excuses that they draw on for inspiration. This seems to inspire them into action, and they spend a few minutes coming up with said book. They show it to me. It says ‘Book of Excuses’ on the cover, and the detailed contents include, among others, the following excuses for leaving the room:

- Need 4 sex

- Need lez kiss

- Horny

- Mother

- See boyfriend

It’s quite amusing. I tell them it’s good, but needs work, pointing out that ‘mother’ doesn’t really mean much – as in, “Can I go out?/Why?/Mother” – Huh? They laugh and go off, to perfect their little project. Later, they ask if they can go to the library to photocopy their masterpiece. I let them go just to get rid of them. Near the end of the class they come back with a nicely photocopied and stapled manuscript of excuses.